Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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