just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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