the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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