is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
should my penis look like a turkey
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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