I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I love having hate sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
