your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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