Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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