All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
