There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
