And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
