btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
