It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
