my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
