You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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