You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
