dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
