I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
