But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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