we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
