Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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