I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
