Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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