He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
