Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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