Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
