you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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