He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I intend to get homeless drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Terrible idea I love it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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