im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
