if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
