id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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