it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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