____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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