Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
