I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just tell him i said nine months
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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