you win again, gameday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
