just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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