i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
