Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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