imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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