So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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