I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You ruined the universe
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
