I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
