Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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