I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
