1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
