he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
