She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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