I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
