I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
