You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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