too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
