i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
