this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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