I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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