I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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