my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
