$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
