I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
