I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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