she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We smell like vodka and hangover
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