just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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