That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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