sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
