I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
