I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize