Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
