dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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