theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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