Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize