i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
