I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
