I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
