so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
