So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
