Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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