I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
