I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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