I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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