I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
