around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
