you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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