Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want nice things and good sex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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