between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just high enough for therapy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
