Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
