i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize